2:19am

It’s 2am on the Sunday night before our first official med school examination. And instead of studying, I’m listening to online lectures given by enlightened individuals as they talk about closeness with God.

At the end of the game, none of this matters. All of this stuff–exams, knowledge, medicine, careers, money, relationships, other people–all of it exists in this self-contained little bubble called “this life.” And when this life bursts, all of its contents will dissipate into nonexistence, because all you’ll have carried with you is your sense of self and your relationship with God. God won’t care where you rank in your medicine class, or where you rank in society. God cares about where you rank with him.

I know all this would sound like a bunch of fluffy musings to most people in society–hell, most people in my class. But I take that risk of sounding like I’m spewing nonsense at the extremely high exchange rate of what this philosophy provides for me. Meaning where this is no meaning. Purpose where there is no purpose. Direction for every thought, every action, every intention, and every movement of every one of my limbs. And a sense of ranking with God, where there is no ranking with society.

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