Floating?

This is the first break of my life (well, since I started high school) that I haven’t been working. Every summer I work full-time and every winter I’ve always had a part-time job and was able to pick up a lot of hours. These last two weeks, on the other hand… let’s just say I’ve spent a lot of time indoors (intentionally–most of the time) revelling in what feels like might be the last time I really sit around doing nothing.

I actually did spend more nights socialising than not, basically catching up on a semester’s worth of friends I haven’t seen. Somehow I became the kind of person to dabble in a lot of different social circles which means there are a lot of people who I try to stay in touch with–believe me, this is not me trying to brag about how popular I am, just that I’ve formed a lot of acquaintances living in the same city for 7 years. What surprised me most of all is how many books I got through, being someone who hasn’t really picked up fiction on a “for fun” basis since before I started university. Granted it was mostly young adult, feel-good fluffy stuff but hey no one’s judging here, right?

But back on the topic of doing nothing–I don’t know why exactly, but I get very nostalgic about the ability to waste time and the luxury of not having responsibilities. I remember this most strongly during the 2 weeks after I finished the last final exams of my bachelor’s degree, and still had time before med school got back to me, and I just remember those days as this feeling of floating, not doing, not knowing, not owing, not being relied upon, of just being totally free. Is this what buddhists mean when they talk about nirvana? Seriously I know it sounds like an exaggeration but man that’s what it felt like. It just feels nice to own my time as completely mine. Who knows where life will take me and who will own my time over the course of the next few years? A fiance, a husband? A child? In-laws? Who knows. It’s just nice not owing anybody my time except for myself and my immediate family. For now, at least.

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