To the girl he loves next

He may promise you forever too, and though I don’t know how truthful he’ll be, believe it anyway. Coming from a girl who has lived with the aftermath of “forever” for three and a half years, that’s saying something. He means it in the moment, and, if he does things right with you, he’ll be capable of forever.

He loves his mom more than anything in the world and he just wants to make her happy. If you make her happy, it’ll probably be a done deal. I only wish I could have met her to try and make my impression on her.

He can’t swim and he’s afraid of getting too close to the water. It’s an insecurity. Have fun with it, but not too much.

He’ll flirt with the grumpy old lady behind the cash register just to get a laugh out of you. It’s charming as hell.

He’ll always make sure he’s walking on the side closer to the edge of the walkway, or cliff, or sidewalk, so that you’re closer to safety.

He’ll eat old, stale cheesecake that’s been out all day just because you brought it for him, even if he’ll have terrible diarrhea from it.

He can go through a box of ritz sandwich crackers by himself while studying.

He takes his schooling too seriously, and is always afraid of failing, even though he’s always done well.

He is plagued with doubts about himself. He’s lost the sense of who he was after he moved away from home, and he hasn’t been able to put an identity back together again. He doesn’t know why people would befriend him or maintain an interest in him longterm. He will deliberately ruin relationships he feels he isn’t worthy of. He has no idea what he wants in a woman–not right now, at least.

He’ll put on a show of machismo and testosterone, but when you are vulnerable with him, he will validate every fear, worry, and concern. You will love showing emotion in front of him.

He will outwardly undermine feminism but actually agree with every single one of its tenets.

He will put you on a pedestal at some point, and hopefully you can get off it quickly. He will comment on which of your friends are a good influence on you and which aren’t, what kind of movies you should watch, what kind of language you shouldn’t use. As you become more human to him and less angel, he will let up on these suggestions.

He may go days without speaking to you, and you’ll get a sense that you’ve done something wrong, but you won’t know what and won’t get a chance to ask.

He may pick up smoking again, and when he’s upset about his mom he’ll chain smoke a pack in an hour.

Near the end, he may dwindle in his love for you, and you’ll feel it as your conversation becomes more dry. If that happens, accept it gracefully and bury the love with dignity and care. Don’t beat it into the ground like me. Don’t drag it up from the dirt and demand it come back to life. Be at peace with it.

But I hope you, the next girl, are truly it. I don’t know how much I’ve messed him up–or if I just want to think so, out of my narcissism. But I hope you can overlook his past mistakes, namely me, and forgive him for it. I hope he commits to you in the way he couldn’t with me. More than that, I hope he commits to God, to the institution of marriage, and to the promise he makes you. I hope he grows up a lot by the time he meets you.

And, from the bottom of my heart, I hope he forgets me by the time he meets you.

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2 thoughts on “To the girl he loves next

  1. Somewhere out there is man wondering what it would be like to meet someone like you. It may be tomorrow or 5 years from now, sometime in between or after but you’re bound to meet him (whoever he is to be). When he crosses your path the ones before him won’t matter – you’ll find your peace. And on that day we (your friends, acquaintences and family) will all be there at your wedding cheering you two on. Allah has not forsaken you, Mim; He only tests those whom he loves.

    You always have friends & family to help you get through, so don’t ever feel as though you’re in this all alone 🙂

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