Oops, I really haven’t been keeping up with my blogging milestones. But this is a pretty big one I didn’t want to miss. I have survived the first year of residency. More incredibly, all my patients have survived my first year of residency. I didn’t kill a single person! I didn’t pronounce a single death!! I was not witness to a single code on any of the patients I was following–that is, no one has ever coded under my care! I think this is pretty phenomenal for a psych resident, based on what I’ve heard about first year and off service rotations. Either I only volunteered to take the most stable patients, or I managed them well enough during the daytime under the guidance of staff that nothing unexpected happened on call. I think it is a combination of both, but I do think I deserve some credit for managing conditions I’m not comfortable with, possibly watching those patients like a hawk because of that reason, and actually doing a good job.
I have survived first year residency with a relatively intact sense of spirit, still consider myself pretty compassionate and unjaded, still capable of feeling happiness, still capable of relaxing, still find myself advocating for patients, and overall feel quite a bit more comfortable in my skin. I have learned so much, even though I am reluctant to give myself credit for it.
I have made a family out of my co-residents, I have taken on committee positions and social commitments to serve as a mentor to new residents. I have networked at a national conference and somehow snuck in an opportunity to help write a book (?!!).
I haven’t made much of a family outside of work, and I have few others in my new city who I can say I’ve become friends with. I haven’t found a Muslim community who will take me in and make me their own. I haven’t found a Prince Charming. I haven’t found the rest of my footing that makes me feel like I truly belong to a place, to contribute to a city’s life and well-being, and feel like a necessary part of it.
But all things considered, I think I’ve come a long way. I’ve found myself in the best possible program in the entire world, and I can see myself as someone who loves their job an annoying amount and can’t stop talking about how amazing psychiatry is. I am so, so grateful for that.